Stop trying to find your personal style
A call to get busy doing things.
The myth of finding personal style
We live in a time where everyone seems obsessed with “finding” their personal style.
Social media is flooded with guides on how to dress like Austin Butler, how to achieve understated elegance like Jeremy Allen White, or how to master quiet luxury. The intent is often well-meaning, but the premise is flawed.
The idea that personal style is something you search for, like a scavenger hunt, rather than something that emerges from experience, is a fundamental misstep.
Look at Warhol, Glenn O’Brien, Basquiat, David Hockney, André Leon Talley, Bill Cunningham, and none of these guys wasted time finding their style.
They were busy doing. Making things. Writing. Painting. Photographing. Their style wasn’t a strategy, it was a byproduct of an interesting life.
Today, the whole thing has flipped. We’re all trying to dress the part before we’ve even played the role.
But personal style isn’t something you curate in isolation. It’s something that happens when you’re engaged with the world.
How did this happen
The internet has flattened taste.
The algorithm turned everything into a remix of a remix. We used to belong to subcultures (punk, skate, hip-hop, graffiti) and our style was absorbed through experience, shaped by the places we spent time and the people we surrounded ourselves with.
Now, people are trying to manufacture a personal aesthetic from a handful of moodboards and fit pics. The result?
A lot of dudes in the same capital-I “Interesting” outfits, none of which actually tell you anything about them.
We’ve lost the mediums that made style personal in the first place. The bars, the record shops, the underground clubs, the weird little scenes where people showed up, exchanged ideas, and let their style develop naturally.
Instead, people are stuck on a never-ending treadmill of consuming and replicating.
So what do we do?
1. Get off the algorithm
Want better style?
Log off. The explore page isn’t going to save you. Style doesn’t live on a screen, it lives in the world. So go out and live.
Pick up a hobby that has nothing to do with fashion, from woodworking, painting, gardening, fixing old motorcycles. The best-dressed people aren’t just wearing cool clothes, they’re doing cool things, and their wardrobe reflects that.
Clothing should have utility. A gardener doesn’t dress like an architect. A painter doesn’t wear the same thing as a guy who restores vintage cars. Get obsessed with something, and your style will take care of itself.
2. Learn, don’t imitate
Style isn’t about copying the right references. It’s about understanding why something works. There’s nothing wrong with using a photo of Robert Redford in Three Days of the Condor as inspiration.
The problem is when you treat it like a template; when you think dressing like Redford is the same as being Redford.
Matty Matheson has great personal style because it’s entirely his own. So do Jason Jules and Tyler, the Creator.
Their taste isn’t algorithmic; it’s a reflection of their interests, their histories, the way they move through the world.
You can take cues from people like that without the cut and paste.
3. Absorb timeless information
Trends move too fast, and by the time you think you’ve caught up, the moment is over.
So, invest in ideas that last. Read books. Watch old films. Listen to records. Learn about architecture, photography, design. The best-dressed people aren’t just stylish… they’re interesting. Their taste is informed by a lifetime of curiosity.
Glenn O’Brien didn’t dress well because he followed trends. He dressed well because he had taste. He read. He listened. He knew what mattered. If you want to develop personal style, start there.
4. Let style find you
LOL. That may be the worst, corniest line you could possibly hear, but I don’t know how to put it differently. There’s a lesson in finding what you want when you stop trying.
Just live your life.
Get interested in things.
Make mistakes.
Develop your own perspective.
And your style will follow.
Let your style find you, as corny as it may be, is probably the most important. And “live your life” might be the most important piece.
To move it from concept to irl: let’s say I like workwear (I do, but fill in any style), but perhaps I’ve been a corp exec (I have), or I’m at a kid football game (or futbol), and sometimes I’m in the city, and sometimes I’m not. I can’t go hunting for what I consider the coolest pieces because too many won’t make sense with my lifestyle. So find what you need. What’s missing, then pick your own style/flavor of it. Piece it together. Change your mind because now you’re actually wearing it, and what you thought was great might not be, or that maybe thing turned into something you love now. Let it shift you.
I’m rambling, but it’s what’s helped me, as someone who has revamped a wardrobe a few times, and is now just rolling with it. Less declaring your style, more evolving into it.
I love this piece. I love how my style has developed as my tastes changed but there’s always pieces i come back to. I bought a bag from US brand called Nut Sac https://nutsac.com/products/jones-13. It’s beautifully crafted to last and it smells of leather. Beautiful crafted leather. The first scratch was like a knife to my heart but as it picks up more scratches and marks its personality grows. It mirrors my journey through life and makes me curious about how I can ingratiate it into my look. Eventually it will have a patina of stories and when I can finally let it go, my can begin his journey with it. Style takes time to inbed itself in some things. The trick is having the vision to see its future self and the willingness to put the time in to get it there.